For Serious

Honestly,

I would buy probably anything if Billy Mays was the spokesman. He is hyped up about everything he is selling, and I appreciate that in a salesman. But he's not annoying like the guy who used to try and tell me how to get my share of 129 trillion dollars from the government. You know, the guy that had a suit with dollar signs all over it and stood in front of the white house or something? anyways, Billy Mays is legit. Check out this list of his products:


1. OXICLEAN
I'm gonna go ahead and not do any research and claim that this was the product that started it all for him. If nothing else, it was the product that started my fascination with him as a hypeman. Plus, it's brilliant.


2. SWIFFER
Not that I ever do any real housework, but I think I used this one time. It was almost like magic.


3. MIGHTY PUTTY
This product has the strength to hold over 350 pounds. Seriously. This tiny piece of green mush is apparently way stronger than I am. I'd be mad if it didn't look so useful. Not that I do any sort of repairs, but I could imagine how pawesome it would be to have some lying around.


4. NEVER-SCRUB
The full name of this product is KABOOM! Never-scrub. I'm pretty sure that at any given point when Billy Mays is talking, he is on the verge of yelling that. It doesn't matter what the product is, this should be his catch phrase for life. A little part of me gets excited every time he's on tv, because I'm hoping he just starts yelling that at everyone else in the commercial.


5. EASY-OFF BAM!
This comes in at a close second for Billy Mays' catch phrase for life. Although I think BAM is probably trademarked by Emeril Lagasse. I could see him doing that.


6. ENERGIZE ENERGY PILLS
I'm going to assume that payment for this gig was given in the form of a lifetime supply of these pills.


7. MIRACLE WHIP
Betcha didn't know that. God bless Wikipedia.

There's like 40 more of these, along the same lines. Billy Mays could make me want to buy anything. I'm pretty sure he got snubbed by the Shamwow! company. He would have been much better than that pretentious guy who looks kind of like Chad from the Alltell commercials.

Also, I think he would be good for the Snuggie people. They are in need of some hype.

Wow. That was a long time

Dear local grocery shopper,

Is it really that difficult to count? I know you're busy doing whatever it is that you people do at the grocery store, but seriously? How hard is it to know exactly how many items are in your shopping cart? Twenty items or less is not a suggestion. Ok, ok,..we can let it slide if you're one over. But stop wasting my time when you very obviously have like 30 things in there. Oh, and don't think I don't notice when you've got twenty-three of the same thing and only count that as one item. You and I both know that that's cheating. You are probably also the same person that walks .03 miles an hour when in front of me on any given aisle. There should be police in every grocery store enforcing a minimum walking speed limit. pssh...grocery stores.

Sincerely,
Trey Hill